Thursday, March 24, 2016

President of the World

We Catholics are not supposed to say “Hallelujah!” during Lent, but having just heard some wonderful news I’ll instead exclaim — Hurray for President Obama! According to the web site Real Science, Atlantic seaboard ocean levels have not only stopped rising, they’ve actually fallen! You dear readers out there who pay attention to world events know that this means President Obama has not only fulfilled one of his biggest campaign promises, he has exceeded it! Real Science proclaims that: “Sea level has been falling on the Atlantic seaboard for the past six years.” That’s why he’s dancing the Tango in Argentina. It’s his quiet way of celebrating. I only hope Michelle understands.
We all remember when he was campaigning back in 2008 and he said: “Generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow! This was the moment when our planet began to heal!” But does he toot his own horn now that it’s happening? No way. He started that speech saying: “I face this challenge with profound humility…” See what I mean? Then-Senator Obama was proud of his humility, and he still is as president. You won’t hear him bragging about what a wonderful man he is the way Donald Trump does. Uh-uh. I haven’t heard him say anything about the rise of the ocean not only slowing down — but actually receding! That’s just not who he is. He would never do that, but we know he could if he wanted to. I can’t wait to bounce my grandchildren on my knee and tell them that I was alive at the moment he was elected in November, 2008.
Remember when Muslims killed 129 people in Paris a few months ago? People were saying we need to do something about Radical Muslim terrorism, but not President Obama. No-no. He knew the real problem was climate change and he wasn’t going to let a little thing like the murder of 130 people get in the way of his Climate Change Summit meeting that was scheduled there two weeks after. He does his best not to let Americans be distracted too, but many of them are anyway. Back when he was holding that summit meeting, a poll came out saying that 97% of Americans didn’t even care about climate change, but that didn’t deter Obama. He went ahead because he knows what’s best for us even when we don’t. He’s wicked smart that way and we’re just not. Remember, he went to Harvard. The only reason he won’t release his grades from there is because he’s humble. I’m sure he got straight A’s but he just doesn’t want to brag about it. Conservative right-wingers who claim he only got in there through Affirmative Action because his father was black are just jealous.
He always knew climate change was the biggest problem facing not only Americans, but the whole world. That’s why he doesn’t worry about the $20 trillion debt we’ll have when he leaves office, or about the rise of ISIS in the Middle East or in Europe or in America. He knows ISIS was caused by climate change and has nothing to do with Islam. Right wing whackos claim he doesn’t have the courage to deal with ISIS and suggest that maybe Bruce Jenner would donate his testicles to him. But does President Obama let that bother him? Uh-uh.
Even though one quarter of the entire population of Mexico has moved to the United States, Donald Trump is still promising to build a wall to prevent the rest of them from coming in. President Obama saw all that coming though and subtly urged more to come north all during his presidency. He told the Border Patrol and ICE not to stop them and he’s not sending any back either. By the time Trump is inaugurated, there won’t be any need for a wall because there will be as many Mexicans on this side of the border as there are on the other side and we won’t have any use for a border at all.
With that and all the refugees coming in from the Middle East, we’ll be a truly multicultural country. The only thing left is the dissolution of all national boundaries so a one-world government can rule us all. Obama is still a young man and he’s already angling to become head of the United Nations. I hope he makes it before Lent next year so I can throw the window open and holler Hallelujah! at the top of my lungs.


La Verdad said...

GREAT stuff!! You get funnier all the time!

So "Real Science" makes some claims. Why not be a bit more truthful and say that some dude (Tony Heller) who studied Geology and electrical engineering in college, and who is appearently so ashamed he uses an alias (Steven Goddard) made these dopey claims on his website? Hmmm, who should I believe, some random dude or NASA?

Tough call. For god's sake man, research what actual scientists and climate change experts have to say.

You really are afraid to investigate and research beyond any site that may challange your beliefs, aren't you?

Oh, and 97% said they "don't care" about climate change? (actually they said it was not their TOP worry, but who cares?) If 97% of people in 1932 didn't place Hitler at the top of their list of worries, would you then just consider him harmless?

And you are still spewing out Coulter's debunked "quarter of the population" bullcrap? Really? Again - research out of your comfort zone. If most of the people you are counting were born US citizens in this country, they were never part of Mexico's population. Duh.

Ooooh, Obama is hoping to become the head of the UN? Did he tell you that? Did he tell ANYONE that? Oh, you just know? Coulter, or Hannity, or Rush, or some nutjob on his website told you. Hey, if you want to believe it, it must be true!!!

Anonymous said...

Tom said: "Obama knows ISIS was caused by climate change"

What the link that Tom provided quotes Obama as saying: "Understand, climate change did not cause the conflicts we see around the world"


Anonymous said...

Tom says: "Obama told the Border Patrol and ICE not to stop them and he’s not sending any back either."

Real Life Facts say: "When it comes to getting tough on immigration, Republican candidates talk the talk, but Obama walks the walk. President Obama has deported more people than any U.S. president before him, and almost more than every other president combined from the 20th century."

Rick said...

Tom is like a version of "the Onion" news, except he doesn't realize it, making it all the funnier!

Brian said...

There are very many conservatives that you can have a decent, respectable, rational, honest, good-natured conversation, or even debate, about political issues. This is how real issues become totally understood and resolved. But for many others the whole thing is like backing a WWF wrestler. (which plays a large part in Trumps popularity with a certain segment), where you scream and roar back and forth in vague generalities, sounding as macho as you can, about "good" versus "evil", and who is more powerful. Chest thumping. Because why ever admit that the "other" side might have s a valid point once in a while? Wouldn't that just be conceding "points" to the other side? Screw that, it's the survival of the fittest, right? In the big scheme of things, what's wrong with being un-rational, indecenct, disrespectful, dishonest, and mean-natureded, eh Tom?

Anonymous said...

"This is how real issues become totally understood and resolved"
Well then, Aesop's Fables says it all then. No need for further debate.
No need for a two (or more) party system, or more than one "candidate", EVER!
Look up "Confirmation Bias", then review the comment boards...say....HERE!
Resolved, and Good Intentions, go together like Bootleggers and Baptists, because..."economics"
or something.

Brian said...

Does anybody here speak "Loonian"...or is it Loonese?...I am having trouble with the Capt.'s blatherings. I think he may be dittoing Tom's belief that real issues CAN be resolved by being un-rational, indecenct, disrespectful, dishonest, and mean-natureded. Many on the far right seem to believe this, which is really reflected in the state of the far right movement...watching those debates, and the un-rational, indecent, disrespectful, mean-naturdness back and forths between these nuts is pathetic, but makes for awesome comedy.

Anonymous said...

The right will say whatever they want if they think it helps their cause. They will even have it both ways depending on who they are speaking to. While on one hand they tell their base that Obama is not deporting people, on the other they run ad's in Arizona trying to weaken Obama's support among immigrants by telling the truth - that Obama is sending them back at a record pace.

The comment/link about ISIS and climate change was priceless!

Tom: "Obama knows ISIS was caused by climate change"

Tom's Link: "Understand, climate change did not cause the conflicts we see around the world" said Obama.

Not the first time he has given a link that contradicts himself. What a journalist!!

Alex said...

Man, I wish Obama would do something about ISIS on top of all the raids, drone strikes, strikes against their leaders, and economic and intelligence warfare. It'd probably be better if we just sent more young men and women over there to fight an endless war.

Tom McLaughlin said...

The Kurds would put more soldiers in the field. So would Jordanians and maybe Saudis as well. Iraqi Sunni chiefs might too, but they do not have confidence in Obama. After the red line thing in Syria, after his support for the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt, after the Libya debacle, who can blame them? He won't give weapons to the Kurds. He won't give weapons to the Ukrainians. He does 12 sorties a day against ISIS, and then only after giving them 48 hours notice. The only reason ISIS is losing territory is Russia has been bombing the you-know-what out of them after they blew up that airliner.

Even if so-called progressives over here don't know it, our friends and our enemies overseas know Obama is all talk. Even if he did try to lead a fight against ISIS, no one would follow him at this point. They all look to Putin now.

Anonymous said...

Interesting how Tom avoided all the lies he was caught in. He doesn't know how to respond when reality is rubbed in his face.

He has the mind of a 7th grader - bomb, bomb, bomb, that'll fix it! Send our children off to war! That strategy has worked great over the past 50 years!

Alex said...

I think we're doing "ok" on the bombing front. And really? Arming more rebels in a heated theater of conflict that is full of fanaticism, religious extremism, and poverty? When has (outside of WWII and WWI) America's arming of rebels ever worked out well for us? You realize that the very people we are fighting against today are the ones we "backed" during the chest-thumping of the Cold War?

Tom McLaughlin said...

By far the worst thing Obama did in the Middle East was the treaty with Iran. With that, he alienated virtually every Sunni nation. Bad enough that he he gave away the store, but even worse, he is starting a nuclear arms race because no one believes Iran is abiding, or will abide, by the treaty's terms, weak though they be. Then there's Israel, of course. Obama betrayed them and Saudi Arabia. Now they're on their own and they know it.

As for Obama's air war? According to an October, 2015 Defense News report: "As of Oct. 6, the US and partner nations had conducted 7,323 strikes against ISIS: 4,701 in Iraq and 2,622 in Syria, according to a Pentagon report on OIR. Over one year, that averages out to about 13 strikes in Iraq and seven strikes in Syria each day.

By comparison, during the 42-day Desert Storm air campaign against Saddam Hussein in 1991, coalition fighters and bombers flew 48,224 strike sorties, or 1,100 a day. Twelve years later, the 31-day Iraqi Freedom air campaign averaged more than 800 offensive sorties a day.

Even the 1999 Kosovo campaign and the 2001 strikes against the Taliban in Afghanistan dwarfed OIR's strikes launched. These air campaigns averaged 138 and 86 strike sorties a day, respectively."

Obama is pretending to fight an air war. It's fooling a lot of Americans here at home, but both our friends and our enemies over there in theater know better.

Anonymous said...

No, we, the USA, are pretending to fight a war on "terror", aka, the plan for a greater Israel. Saudi Arabia and israel are on their own?!! Seriously? So does that mean the three PLUS billion dollars we give this genocidal freak show of a nation isn't happening anymore Tom? Explain. Because Israel has been caught both treating Isis wounded and buying Isis oil. So your regurgitation of Zionist new con bs is laughable. Israel essentially runs congress and you don't bat an eye? American huh? Sounds like you give more a shit about Israel than the USA. Maybe go displace some Palestinians on the Gaza Strip and move right in?

How many major news outlets AREN'T run by zionists?
How many Israelis arrested on 9/11? Five. Iranians? Zero. Palestinians? Zero.

We give Israel, a nuclear nation that refuses to acknowledge it and refuses to sign the non proliferation agreement, military aid in the billions annually. By law, as any history teacher would know, we cannot aid a nation that won't sign said treaty....yet........we do..on their own? Such moronic statements are insulting to any free thinking American.
And Iran neither has or wants nukes! This pathetic and desperate lie has been peddled for decades Tom! Hahaha, decades!! Enough lying and fetishing Israel.

Time to end the aid and cease fighting this farcical "war on terror" that only benefits Israel. Enough of the lies. Our young men and women have suffered enough. And for what? A greater Israel. That's what. The truth is getting out. This charade is nearly over...thank god....we need some real Christian leadership back in this country.

Brian said...

I real an interesting column the other day asking if we want the USA to be the world's Sheriff. I think that the world is in need of a good sheriff, and for the many areas in which the UN cannot help, the USA is in position to be a good sheriff. I got to thinking about old westerns (I grew up on Eastwood's spaghetti westerns) and how a good sheriff should act. Would I want the sheriff to rush out and get, dead or alive, violent criminals? Indeed. Do I think that they should be able to stop and question, say Mexicans, if it was a Mexican criminal they were after. Indeed, profile away. If they were sure the outlaw were holed up in a building, would I want the sheriff to dynamite the whole building down, knowing there were innocent people inside as well. Hell no. Would I want the sheriff to blow up hospitals because the fugitive and his gang may be using it. Hell no. These are the types of things that the Russians are doing with their bombing in Syria, the bombing that Tom thinks are such a great thing.

Anonymous said...

No Brian, we are just Israel's sheriff. Helping this nasty little nation built on lies commit genocide.
And how, why and who let the dancing Israelis go back to tel aviv after they were arrested on 9/11?