We Catholics are not supposed to say “Hallelujah!” during Lent, but having just heard some wonderful news I’ll instead exclaim — Hurray for President Obama! According to the web site Real Science, Atlantic seaboard ocean levels have not only stopped rising, they’ve actually fallen! You dear readers out there who pay attention to world events know that this means President Obama has not only fulfilled one of his biggest campaign promises, he has exceeded it! Real Science proclaims that: “Sea level has been falling on the Atlantic seaboard for the past six years.” That’s why he’s dancing the Tango in Argentina. It’s his quiet way of celebrating. I only hope Michelle understands.
We all remember when he was campaigning back in 2008 and he said: “Generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow! This was the moment when our planet began to heal!” But does he toot his own horn now that it’s happening? No way. He started that speech saying: “I face this challenge with profound humility…” See what I mean? Then-Senator Obama was proud of his humility, and he still is as president. You won’t hear him bragging about what a wonderful man he is the way Donald Trump does. Uh-uh. I haven’t heard him say anything about the rise of the ocean not only slowing down — but actually receding! That’s just not who he is. He would never do that, but we know he could if he wanted to. I can’t wait to bounce my grandchildren on my knee and tell them that I was alive at the moment he was elected in November, 2008.
Remember when Muslims killed 129 people in Paris a few months ago? People were saying we need to do something about Radical Muslim terrorism, but not President Obama. No-no. He knew the real problem was climate change and he wasn’t going to let a little thing like the murder of 130 people get in the way of his Climate Change Summit meeting that was scheduled there two weeks after. He does his best not to let Americans be distracted too, but many of them are anyway. Back when he was holding that summit meeting, a poll came out saying that 97% of Americans didn’t even care about climate change, but that didn’t deter Obama. He went ahead because he knows what’s best for us even when we don’t. He’s wicked smart that way and we’re just not. Remember, he went to Harvard. The only reason he won’t release his grades from there is because he’s humble. I’m sure he got straight A’s but he just doesn’t want to brag about it. Conservative right-wingers who claim he only got in there through Affirmative Action because his father was black are just jealous.
He always knew climate change was the biggest problem facing not only Americans, but the whole world. That’s why he doesn’t worry about the $20 trillion debt we’ll have when he leaves office, or about the rise of ISIS in the Middle East or in Europe or in America. He knows ISIS was caused by climate change and has nothing to do with Islam. Right wing whackos claim he doesn’t have the courage to deal with ISIS and suggest that maybe Bruce Jenner would donate his testicles to him. But does President Obama let that bother him? Uh-uh.
Even though one quarter of the entire population of Mexico has moved to the United States, Donald Trump is still promising to build a wall to prevent the rest of them from coming in. President Obama saw all that coming though and subtly urged more to come north all during his presidency. He told the Border Patrol and ICE not to stop them and he’s not sending any back either. By the time Trump is inaugurated, there won’t be any need for a wall because there will be as many Mexicans on this side of the border as there are on the other side and we won’t have any use for a border at all.
With that and all the refugees coming in from the Middle East, we’ll be a truly multicultural country. The only thing left is the dissolution of all national boundaries so a one-world government can rule us all. Obama is still a young man and he’s already angling to become head of the United Nations. I hope he makes it before Lent next year so I can throw the window open and holler Hallelujah! at the top of my lungs.