Bondage Dolls and Green Weenies

Up Early

This year I took down the Christmas tree. Usually it’s my wife who decides the season is over and it’s time to move on into the less charming part of our long, New England winter. Granddaughters Claire and Lila were against taking it down, however, and I had to deal with their profounddisapproval during the process. Ten-month-old twins, Henry and Luke, were indifferent. They were content to sit on the living room carpet and watch me as, one by one, they picked up various toys around them and put them into their mouths. They know something really exists only when they experience it orally. Most of what they were tasting were round, painted pieces of wood they removed from a Christmas-tree-shaped pole upon which they had been stacked up. I assume the paint was non-toxic, because they have teeth now and they like to gnaw on things. The toy was labeled “Melissa and Doug,” whom I assume were the designers and manufacturers.

Henry and Luke

Which brings me to the two “Melissa and Doug Annie 12-inch Drink and Wet” dolls which Santa Claus put under the tree for Christmas morning. After unwrapping them, Claire and Lila asked their grandmother to get them out of the box they came in. She fumbled with one for a several minutes and then handed it to me, saying “I can’t do this. Can you?” I took it, wondering how difficult could it be to take a doll out of a box. It turned out to be the hardest thing I had to do all day.

The peeing dolls were bound inside their little prison boxes to prevent any possibility of escape unless industrial-grade extraction tools were utilized. Each sitting doll was bound hand, foot and neck by plastic-coated steel wire. I have fairly strong fingers, but I couldn’t fully un-twist even one of the sadistic bonds that held the poor doll in place. I went to the kitchen drawer for some wire-cutters, but they weren’t sufficient either. I had to go out to the garage for the bigger ones and then it was hard to avoid cutting off the dolls hands as I severed the wire. “What’s taking you so long?” my wife hollered from the living room as I was cussing out Melissa and Doug and thinking they must be clandestine bondage fetishists. Thankfully, I don’t think Claire or Lila heard me. Later I saw reviews of the peeing doll on Amazon:

It is really precious BUT I almost lost my religion trying to get it out of the box!!! Please tell me what awful thing happened in your childhood that you would package your toys in such a horrendous, frustrating way!!! Seriously! I broke nails, bled, and cursed trying to undo all the "tie downs" before I finally freed her of her prison of a box! Please lighten up a bit. There has GOT to be a better method! 

Watching television news later that day, I saw that a ship was stuck in Antarctic ice and a Chinese ice-breaker was trying to rescue it. It was very cold in Maine Christmas Day and I felt sorry for the passengers. It wasn’t until a week later that I learned the ice-bound ship was on an expedition to observe the effects of “human-caused” climate change. That’s what the Greenies used to call “human-caused global warming” until the globe ceased warming after fifteen years of increasing carbon in the atmosphere. As I write this, my thermometer is struggling to get above zero in midday, making me wish we humans actually could cause global warming. I’d actually lobby for it if I didn’t know what a mass-hysterical scam it was.

Very Cold at Two Lights State Park - Cape Elizabeth Maine in 2014

Newsbusters reported that 96% of coverage by the mainstream media networks neglected to mention the actual purpose of the ice-bound expedition when reporting the story. As of January 3rd, they continued to keep the mission’s objective a secret. Too embarrassing for the liberal-biased networks, I guess, especially after they’ve spent more than a decade beating the “climate change” the drum for environmental neurotics. After the Chinese icebreaker also got stuck six miles from the original Greenie-weenie ship, they sent two more icebreakers, so the story has enough legs to bring it well into 2014. Wonder if they’ll ever say what the ship was actually doing down there. I doubt it.

Enviroweenies in La-La Land

Somehow I don’t feel bad for those climate-change-kool-aid-drinking Greenies anymore. I feel bad for the rest of America still caught up in their pseudo-scientific, mass hysteria.

UPDATE
The Enviroweenies pictured above were rescued by helicopter yesterday. Today, however, the ship that deployed the rescue helicopter is itself stuck in the ice. I wonder if they're still dancing. I wonder if the mainstream media will report on what their mission was now.