Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Don't Vote For Dummies


The mainstream media being the only source of news for most people, it’s very likely you know that liberals are smart and conservatives are dumb. People my age remember how smart Jimmy Carter was running for president against Gerry Ford. Carter was a nuclear engineer. Ford was a football player and famously dumb. Lyndon Johnson said he played football too long without a helmet. Saturday Night Live showed him tripping over something every week.

The highly-intelligent Carter won, then made a weak economy many times worse. When our ally the Shah of Iran was deposed by radical Muslims, Carter sat on his hands while Americans were humiliated for a year and a half in the hostage crisis. Radical Muslims gained confidence and started believing they could bring down all of western civilization. After one term, Carter was seen as the worst president in the 20th century, if not for all time.

He was wicked smart though.

In spite of his vast intelligence, Carter lost the 1980 election to a dumb conservative. Reagan, the “amiable dunce,” presided over one of the greatest economic recoveries in American history by dismantling much of big government built up by the wicked-smart liberals. Reelected by an overwhelming majority, he proceeded to win the Cold War. Hard to understand how he accomplished all that being so dumb.

When his term was up in 1988, media found another wicked-smart governor in Massachusetts whom they figured would make a great president but they couldn’t sell him. Americans believed him a nerdy automaton and elected the first George Bush instead.

In 1992, however, the media found another wicked-smart southern governor in Arkansas whom they thought would make a great president. He was actually smart enough to realize soon after inauguration that Americans didn’t want nationalized health care and abandoned it. He was also smart enough to go along with the dumb conservatives who took over Congress halfway into his first term. He made their programs of scaled-back government and balanced budgets look like his ideas and finished two terms. He wasn’t very smart in his personal life and almost blew everything, but he managed to hang on for eight years.

Then media told us how smart his vice president was. He invented the internet. He figured out that burning coal, oil and gasoline was melting ice caps, raising oceans and killing cute polar bears. As you might expect, he was running against another dumb conservative - this one a cowboy governor from Texas and son of a former President. The media understand that all presidents have to go to church and pretend to believe in God in order to get elected. This guy was so dumb, however, that he really did believe, and didn’t try to hide it either. Somehow though, he won.

Then media found another wicked-smart nerd from Massachusetts to run against him, just like they did against his father. This guy had three Purple Hearts and a Silver Star for bravery. People listened to him and questioned just how smart and brave he really was, but he wouldn’t release his college transcripts or his military records. Then it came out that the dumb cowboy got higher grades they he did at Yale, and other soldiers claimed that, while he puffed his chest a lot, he really wasn’t very brave either. He got medals for minor scratches and the dummy won again.

Then we got a wicked-smart guy from Chicago who was going to fix everything and lower the oceans too. He gave good speeches with his teleprompter, even bringing it to a fifth grade classroom. Media tell us he is so smart, he has an IQ of 160 - but he won’t release his college transcripts either. When he talks without reading he doesn’t sound smart and people are wondering about that IQ. Plus, he’s screwing up the economy even worse than Carter did. He said he’d been to all fifty-seven states, and didn’t know how to pronounce “corpsman,” saying “corpse-man” instead of “core-man.” Media ignored it, but those pesky conservatives on AM radio, the internet, and Fox News didn’t. People are thinking now that maybe he’s smart like Jimmy Carter - especially the ones who are out of work.

Wouldn’t you know it though, it looks like another dumb governor from Texas could be running against him next year. This guy actually believes in God too - and he shoots coyotes. He’s like a male version of that dumb woman from Alaska whom conservatives put up for vice-president. Saturday Night Live sure did a number on her, just like they did to Ford thirty years before. She actually believed in God too and shot caribou. Plus, this guy is even more of a cowboy than the last one. Like the Alaska governor, he didn’t go to ivy league schools either. What intelligent person ever came out of a state university?

This time the media aren’t wasting any time showing Americans how dumb he is. They started right after he announced he was running. They’re going to make sure this time that people don’t elect him over the wicked-smart president we have who only needs another four years to really fix things.

17 comments:

Irregardless NH said...

It'll be so - oh how can I say it? - inspirin' to have Rick Perry at the helm of our national ship.

And we can hope that 'getting ugly' Perry will abide by the preachin' of his mentor and spiritual advisor DAVID BARTON who preaches that Jesus didn't believe in the minimum wage and that He was against the estate tax.

Why...if we're lucky enough, Governor Perry will eliminate teaching evolution in our schools and we can return to the good ole days of 1925 Dayton Tennessee.

And, with Michele Bachmann, we can celebrate the glorious Battle of Lexington and Concord - fought right here in New Hampshire.

Nope...sure wouldn't want to vote for dumies.

Anonymous said...

How's that hope n' change working out for you?

Anonymous said...

As usual, Tom, you are right on the mark. We could use your well reasoned thinking here in California!

Anonymous said...

Tom: Your recent columns have never been better. Those of us who have been around long enough to see administrations come and go know that you clearly see the lessons of history, and are trying to educate the media influenced public. Your tongue-in-cheek comments are right on point.

Ken said...

I don't know, I don't think the Carter admin was quite as bad as the Franklin Pierce Admin, but close.....

Ken M

Anonymous said...

Not voting for a dummy certainly narrows the options. Would you vote for someone dumb enough to want to be President??

Sami said...

Wow, this is the whiniest, bitterest, most sanctimonious post ever. You set a record, Tom. Congratulations.

Winston Smith said...

You highlight exactly why the two party system is a complete joke. And the mainstream media is complicit. They certainly are not doing what they were supposed to do, i.e. keep an eye on Washington for us all.

The sooner we stop putting our energy into a two party system that is already rigged the better! it won't matter who wins the next election. Unless Ron Paul manages to make it. But they will never let that happen. You need only look at their current attempts at ignoring him altogether in the press. Obama intensified the bush agenda. Totally disregarding his campaign promises. ,isn't that proof enough thatnkthe fox is in?

Anonymous said...

While talking about dumb, don't forget the recent past. I think everyone knows why our economy is in the state it's in. Why does everyone think this president can or should easily fix such a giant mess...

Anonymous said...

Hey Winston;
your a rocket scientist and I always hear you whine about the two party system and how everything sucks. But I never hear you admit that if someone runs as an independent than the votes they suck off from either party would sway the election to favor the other party and hurt the one that they left in the first place. Even Ron Paul is running as a GOP member and he sees the writing on the wall.

Seeing that this country does not have much time left, wouldn't it be "Smahhtaa" to do like the tea party and change from within? Your wicked Smahht, what would you recommend we do about the obvious truth that the two party system is corrupt on both sides?

If your not part of the solution Winston, your part of the Problem!!!!

Secondly Winston, Just out of curiosity, what system do you favor the most; Capitalism or Socialism or Isolationist Capitalism?

Name withheld for fear of being put on the Obama watch list

Anonymous said...

Sami; If you recall Tom is not a member of the party that calls people stupid constantly throughout the years that oppose the agenda they have. I also noticed that you piss and moan without offering any solutions your self to put out there to be mulled over, but rather piss and moan about being pissed and moaned at!
One of your leaders out there, Forest Gore once said that conservatives have an extra Chromosome. But Forest Gump said that stupid is what stupid does. What would you do Sami?

Brian said...

Tom, be honest....were you a bit tipsy when you wrote this?

Anonymous said...

Tipsy,? More like drunk off his ass!

Don't complain, that is what makes him so entertaining!!

Anonymous said...

He may not have been drunk or tipsy. Perhaps he is just another dumb dummy-lover.

Rick said...

Damn smart people are ruining this world.

Smart scientists blurting out nonsense that goes against the bible. Evolution? Yeah, right, real "smaht".

Smart people ranting about nano technology, man-made global warming and "dinosaurs"...how annoying.

Gimme a good ol' dummy anyday. Don't know squat about Paul Revere, or which Concord was involved in a battle? Who cares! As long as you are dummy enough to know that god caused hurricane Irene because of our deficits that is good enough for me!! Who gives a damn if a Texan Governor thinks Juarez, Mexico is in the USA? Let "smart" people worry about that.

Vote Dummy in 2012!!!

The Dumb shall inherit the earth.

Winston Smith said...

Hey anonymous----the point of my ranting is to highlight that the system is completely corrupt. Obviously. The founding fathers warned against the idea of established political parties. Why? Because they can be bought. In addition we have to get rid of antiquated systems like the electoral college. Elections in this country are fixed and the public let's it happen. What are you to do in a country that looks the other way whilst they get buggered by their " govt"????!!!

Hey, I don't have the answers, but a good start would be to collectively grow up as citizens and acknowledge the elephant in the room....meaning, we need to stop pretending that these bafoons that they constantly bombard us with as presidential candidates have any actual influence! They don't. They are shills. This country is too pacified with television and the massive corporate "news" machine that is essentially lies, deflection and absolute BS.
Study Edward Bernays and you'll see that the fix is in..always has been.
It's a massive PR campaign launched on the citizens of the USA.
And yes, Ron Paul is the only hope. As I said.
By the way, I am baffled as to why people constantly try and defend the idea of a two-party system? You want to be intellectually castrated and put in a box? that implies there are only two solutions to any problem. Absurd. Divide and conquer I guess?

Acknowledging that this country has been taken over by greedy elite is A good start. But the vast majority continue to play this great big game of pretend. No one wants to tell the emperor he's naked. it's easier to cry conspiracy theory and feed on the corporate news teet.

Steve said...

For every conservative who claims liberals play the victim, I say physician heal thyself.

This blog is another installment in the inexorable victimhood card that partisan conservatives play when complaining like the middle child that, they’re picked on, ignored and disregarded by the whole of “the media.” They do so, not because they’re Republicans, but because they’re partisans. And partisan Democrats cry similar fouls, but it’s not because they’re Democrats, it’s because they’re partisans. Partisan liberals see two types of media: middle of the road and right-wing. Partisan conservatives see two types of media: middle of the road and left-wing. Both sides are utterly convinced they’re right, and they can cherry pick the examples to prove it.

If you didn’t rely so heavily on caricature and sweeping generality, you’d have almost nothing to say. Nearly bereft of facts, this blog tells us that “the media” – with ubiquitous exceptions for Fox and AM radio, the sources that continued to question Obama’s citizenship three years after he released his Certificate of Live Birth – has engaged in a decades-long, collusive effort to convince us that all Democrats are Renaissance thinkers and all Republicans have brain stems that don’t even attach to their spinal cords.

Your only specific example of the media is the late-night sketch comedy show, Saturday Night Live, and its impersonations of Bush and Palin. They’re comedians; that’s what they do. They’re impersonations of Obama, Biden, David Paterson, Bill and Hillary, Paul Tsongas, Kerry, Gore and Dukakis are equally as harsh, but, because those are impersonations of Democrats and don’t support your perpetual claim of Republican victimhood, they don’t merit inclusion in your blog.

Yes, Clark Gifford did, in 1981, call refer to President Reagan as an amiable dunce. But do you really remember the tenor and substance of the media’s 30-year-old discussion, or are you banking on the partisanship and forgetfulness of your readers? (to present an example of the entire media victimizing a Republican?) Because if you Google “Ronald Reagan amiable dunce,” the first four pages are of articles challenging Gifford’s unnecessary insult. Does one Democratic Secretary of Defense constitute the whole of the media?

Mr. McLaughlin claimed the media is portraying Rick Perry as dumb. Politico did run an article titled, “Is Rick Perry Dumb?” As the only evidence of that, the author quoted an anonymous Republican governor as saying, “He’s like Bush without the brains.” The article concludes that Perry is an astute politician who’s never lost an election and has always learned whatever he has needed to learn. The article reports that after Laura Ingram challenged the substance of his answers to her questions on China, be went out and started reading Kissinger’s book, On China.

And to the charge that Obama used a teleprompter when addressing a 6th grade class; here are links to sites – Weekly Standard included – that disprove claim.

http://www.factcheck.org/2010/01/school-photo/

http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/photos/6thgrade.asp
http://www.weeklystandard.com/blogs/did-obama-use-teleprompter-talk-elementary-school-children

I’m surprised a fair and balanced news site or any one of the myriad liberal news outlets haven’t done more to correct this fallacy.