Hey! All you progressive Democrats out there? Whatever you’ve been doing to prevent global warming? Cut it out! Now! Hear me? It’s spring for cripe sakes. It’s supposed to be warming up - even around here in the Maine mountains - and it’s not. There’s more than two feet of snow on the ground out there and more coming! And it doesn’t melt right away like it’s supposed to this time of year either. All the skiers and snowmobilers are ready too, but it just keeps building up. People are getting tired of this, and I’m blaming you.
I’ve been looking back at the last five years since you took over down and I’m starting to catch on. You started off raising and spending all that “stimulus” money - a trillion dollars almost - and I can’t see any economic stimulus going on at all! Where is it? Joe Biden kept telling us four years ago us that “Recovery Summer” was on its way. Well it never came! We’re all still waiting out here. Now we’re thinking summer itself isn’t coming this year either, much any less economic recovery! Spring hasn’t shown up and we’re thinking summer won’t either.
You said there were thousands of shovel ready jobs out there, and you were going to use that trillion dollars to build infrastructure like they did back in the Great Depression. Well where is it? You guys said Herbert Hoover was an idiot and you blamed him for the Great Depression, but at least he built the Hoover Dam! It’s still there - still generating electricity - and it only took five years to finish. It’s been that long since you raised and spent that trillion dollars, so what have you got to show for it? Nothing! Where did all the money go? We could have built lots of Hoover Dams.
And how about the Golden Gate Bridge? That was built with stimulus money during the Great Depression and it’s still there too. It cost $35 million, and that would be over $500 million in today’s money. We could have built over fifteen hundred Golden Gate Bridges with the money you guys spent on this “stimulus,” but we don’t see any bridges. We don’t see anything!
You promised lots of green jobs too. Where are they? You spent billions on solar energy development, and windmill development, and battery development. How many of the companies you invested in are bankrupt? How come the cost of electricity keeps going up? Where did all that money go?
Like I said, I’ve been thinking about all this and my theory is that you didn’t spend the money on economic stimulus at all. You didn’t spend it on renewable energy either because those companies are gone - poof! It’s looking to me like all that was a big smokescreen. I’m thinking you spent it all on some secret project to prevent global warming that you’re not telling us about, and it’s all gotten out of control! That’s why it’s so friggin’ cold!
You really wanted to do it with your “Cap and Trade” bill, but it couldn’t pass the Senate. You wanted to take over the energy industry like you took over the health care industry with Obamacare. So, what did you do instead? You took the trillion dollars for stimulus and you spent it all on a secret Anti-Global-Warming Machine and it’s bringing on another ice age! I’ll bet it’s got a giant super-computer that has outsmarted its programmers. You had all your best computer geeks working on that instead of the Obamacare web site - and that’s why it’s so screwed up. You put all the geek wannabes to work on Obamacare and they were all morons!
Then you used the National Security Agency to spy on all our phone calls, all our emails, all our internet searches - so you could keep it all secret! The NSA didn’t see the Benghazi Attack coming, did it? That took you all by surprise, and you made up a story about some stupid internet video nobody ever saw, and you kept that story up for weeks! And the NSA obviously wasn’t keeping an eye on Syria, was it! Obama said Assad was going to fall “any day now” and he’s still in there! Hillary Clinton said she “reset” our relations with Russia, but you didn’t see the Crimea invasion coming, did you? No! Because the NSA was so busy keeping the Giant Anti-Global Warming Machine secret, they didn’t have time to spy on our enemies like they’re supposed to. They’re spying on us instead.
And last week you said you were pulling an all-nighter to discuss global warming. Hah! This time I believe you! You were trying to figure out how to get a handle on that machine, because if you don’t, it’s going to be like this right through ’til next winter!
It all fits when you think about it.